Have you finally orgasmed yet?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize