ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
