I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
As shirtless as possible
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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