If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
