i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
