I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
