But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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