You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
