I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
