The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
