i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
