just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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