Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
