M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize