just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
