but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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