i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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