he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize