i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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