So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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