And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They have beer where we have blood.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
