someone threw a dead crab at me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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