2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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