Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
