Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
