im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
