You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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