You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
