I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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