I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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