Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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