y did u give ur computer a hand job?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
