I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
