ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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