we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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