I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
