yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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