I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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