i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
