I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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