Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
