whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
