is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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