grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Everything about him screamed your future.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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