The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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