I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize