yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
