girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize