you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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