My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
