I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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