dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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