so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
