My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
