Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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