what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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