her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
