She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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