I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
