I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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