god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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