Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
