he shaved USA in his pubs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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