You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
