you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
