I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize