So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can you bring me the toilet please
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
