i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
