My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Welp...herpes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
