We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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