i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He did a backflip because drugs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
