I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
