I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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