Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
3 2 1 whiskey
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
