Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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