he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
