YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
