just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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