I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
