i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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