I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
