Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
