You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
