you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
