you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
