it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
