Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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