Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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