Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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